


Pages Of You

by zams



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Artist Steve Rogers, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 04:06:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/875432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zams/pseuds/zams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tony's thoughts on Steve's sketchbook, a sketchbook that Steve won't let him see.</p><p>
  <i>Tony will catch Steve scribbling in it multiple times throughout the day, so intense and fixated as he drags the pencil almost feverishly across the pages that Tony can't help but stare, transfixed by the sight of all that concentration and focus.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pages Of You

**Author's Note:**

> Perhaps slightly OOC Tony, but Steve tends to bring out the hidden fluffiness in everyone, I feel. :)

+++

Steve is always drawing.

He carries around a small leather sketchbook wherever he goes, and Tony will catch him scribbling in it multiple times throughout the day, so intense and fixated as he drags the pencil almost feverishly across the pages that Tony can't help but stare, transfixed by the sight of all that concentration and focus. Of course, there's a part of Tony that always wants to drag Steve off to their bedroom and apply that concentration and focus to other extremely enjoyable activities, but mostly Tony just feels awe and admiration at these times. Tony knows exactly what it's like to be consumed with your passion, to lose time and reality as you happily drown in it and only surface when the craving is temporarily sated. Not many people understand Tony's constant and encompassing need for stimulation, his tendency to lock himself downstairs in his lab for hours or even days a time when the urge to think, to construct, to _create_ is too strong to deny.

But Steve understands because Steve always understands. Steve only encourages and supports him, never asking for anything in return, never pushing for explanations that Tony can't articulate, never covetous of the times that Tony needs to be alone, and that means more to Tony than Tony can even find the words to admit to himself. In those moments when Steve simply smiles at him and tells him to go downstairs when Tony gets restless, drumming his fingers on his thigh, the only thing Tony can do is press a grateful kiss on Steve's lips, tell Steve _I love you_ and hope it's sufficient, even if Tony knows he still doesn't say those words enough.

It's only that consideration and selflessness that keeps Tony from doing something terribly invasive, because Tony always wonders what fills those secretive pages. Steve never lets anyone look at his sketchbooks, adorably bashful and embarrassed whenever someone asks to look, as if he can't understand why anyone would be interested. Tony knows Steve's filling his third sketchbook now, filling it with elusive and mysterious art that Tony has no concept of but is increasingly desperate to see. Tony's certain, whatever form Steve's art takes, that it's honest, and candid, and _genuine_ , a reflection of Steve and all that he is; Tony can't believe anything else. And Steve's art surely must be beautiful, too, because Steve is beautiful in every way.

And Tony aches with want. The sketchbook has become something of an obsession of Tony's, a forbidden temptation that represents all of Steve's innermost and most intimate thoughts, his dreams and worries, his desires and hopes, his aspirations and wishes… Everything that makes Steve the man he is, the man that Tony could not help but fall in love with. But despite Tony's best efforts, it was only so long that Tony could endure the irresistible enticement before he pushed Steve, trying to wheedle Steve into showing him at least a few sketches, Tony's curiosity threatening to become unbearable.

It was quickly moving from a matter of simply wanting to one of need, and Tony did ultimately get permission. Tony knew as soon as he started pushing that he would because Steve is selfless, a giver, but Tony's elation at the prospect of having what he so long desired lasted only the briefest moments. It was impossible to not see how uncomfortable Steve was with the idea of letting Tony see his sketchbook, of making himself that vulnerable, his posture tense and awkward, his mouth pinched unhappily, unable to maintain eye contact as he reluctantly held the sketchbook out for Tony to take.

Steve may have said yes, but it was clear that he wasn't truly willing to let Tony look, only agreeing because he loved Tony more than Tony sometimes thought Steve should, and it was in that moment, when Tony saw the slight tremor in Steve's hand and the unease in his eyes, that Tony knew he wouldn't take it. He couldn't, no matter how much he wanted to and how great the temptation was. Not many things he did made Tony feel ashamed or regretful, but he felt both then for being so insistent and demanding that Steve share his art just because it was what Tony wanted. Tony wasn't sure if Steve realized just how desperate Tony actually was to see it, and he also wasn't sure (though Tony puzzled over it quite often) why Steve was so adamant about keeping his art private even from him, from the rest of the Avengers, but neither mattered. What did matter was not making Steve do anything he didn’t want to do, and if Tony accepted Steve's hesitant offer, Tony would have been an even bigger asshole that he could have stood being. He told Steve no, to offer again when he truly wanted to, and the relief and gratitude that Tony could read on Steve's face as he brought the sketchbook to his chest and close to his heart told Tony that he made the only decision he possibly could have.

That didn't stop Tony from desiring, though, and he still does. It's like an itch under his skin, one that Tony can never soothe. And as Steve continues to draw, Tony continues to ache as he watches the pencil sweep across the white pages. He tries to content himself with simply watching Steve from afar, but it doesn't work as well as Tony would have liked. Still, there's nothing else he can do, only watch and imagine, imagine all the wonderful and beautiful creations of Steve's that could be spanning those pages. And Tony hopes, hopes that one day Steve will come to him, comfortable and confident, and offer the sketchbook to him again, this time because Steve wants Tony to see, wants to share that intimacy with him, and until that day comes, Tony will wait, not patiently but out of love for Steve, because it's nothing less than Steve deserves. Steve deserves everything. 

+++


End file.
